On Friday nights, I don’t go out to the movies with my friends. I don’t dance the night away. I don’t even stay up late trying to memorize squares of numbers. (That exciting activity is saved for Saturday nights, baby.) I do something much more exhilarating.

I stay home and watch Friday night cartoons.

Spongebob Squarepants, The Fairly Oddparents, Batman, Teen Titans. I watch them all.
People who don’t watch cartoons must have no soul.

Popular opinion puts cartoons aside, saying they’re solely fit for occupying children on Saturday mornings. Cartoons are so much more than that.

They teach what purpose conjunctions serve in our crazy, mixed
-up language of English, or at least Schoolhouse Rock did. They teach that although teachers may be crazy, they can still show what causes cakes to rise or just how color is related to light, like in The Magic School Bus. They teach important life lessons such as the tolerance of all of Earth’s creatures, blue or not, as evidenced in The Smurfs.

They transport you to wonderful imaginary worlds where a Pokémon will fight for you and become your best friend. Only in cartoons can you, too, become Grand Master of the Cards.
The main characters are usually adorable children that you can’t help but love and hope that your children will grow up like them (although you know that you can never have a Caucasian child because you are Filipino).

Cartoon characters are not real and can never tell you you’re inadequate. They can never reject your invitation to the prom. You can pretend Bart Simpson is your best friend, and no one can ever contradict you.

Best of all, cartoon characters don’t grow up, and ardent fans can fantasize about them forever. Is Peter Parker from Spiderman too old for you? Just wait a few years – you’ll catch up. If Brad Pitt is too old for you, he will always be too old for you. Get over it.
Even though studies from the National Institute of Mental Health show that “children may be more likely to behave in aggressive or harmful ways toward others” after watching violence on television, violent cartoons such as Tom and Jerry make up a tiny percent of the entire spectrum of cartoons out there. Most cartoons are not so distasteful in their show of brutality.

Cartoons have everything you need in a show—humor, suspense, and a little love interest. To reject their innate charms, you must have gone straight from a fetus in your mother’s womb to an adult. I beg you, let your childhood shine through you to brighten your life. Or maybe you just have a hot date every Friday night, and in that case, I’m jealous.
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posted - 5:23 PM